- Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.
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- Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
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- How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
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- How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
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- What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
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- What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
A pachydermatologist
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- Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.
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- What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.
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- What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
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- What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
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- Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him.
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- Where do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.
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- Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
They all have phones.
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- Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.
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- What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.
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- What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
Sanka.
... what kind of lettuce?
Iceberg.
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