Why Books are Better Than Babies
Here are some reasons childfree people can use to explain their lifestyle choices.
  1. A book's natural state is dry.
  2. When you highlight a baby, it washes off.
  3. You can't prop up a crooked table with a baby.
  4. You can't hide money inside a baby.
  5. You can't sell them back at the end of the semester.
  6. If you dog-ear a baby, you end up in jail.
  7. Your parents aren't always after you to get your first book.
  8. Nobody gets upset when a teenager has a book.
  9. Your books don't want to play with your toys.
  10. You don't have to strap your books in special seats when you travel.
  11. If your dog chews up your book, you can get a new book (and keep the dog!)
  12. Used books are easier to find than used babies.
  13. It usually doesn't take nine months to acquire a book.
  14. Nobody looks at you funny when you have a hundred books.
  15. Books can always be shoved in the attic when you're tired of them.
  16. Books arrive fully developed, and you can't be blamed for any plot defects.
  17. My parents are not interested in coming to visit my books.
  18. If you lose a book, it is no big deal.
  19. No one makes stupid movies about books deserted at home.
  20. Books don't wake you up at stupid times of the morning demanding to be fed, amused, or changed.
  21. Books don't throw a temper tantrum if you pay more attention to another book or you have things you'd rather be doing than reading it right now.
  22. You can take a book into a fine restaurant and know it will remain quiet and well-behaved.
  23. You don't have to get a babysitter for a book if you want to go out.
  24. Books don't point and ask embarassing questions in public.
  25. Books not only ask questions, they also provide answers.
  26. Books don't want to watch "Barney." In fact, they are best enjoyed with the TV off.
  27. Books do not have recurring costs, like clothing, food, and diapers.
  28. You can't download a baby from the World Wide Web (yet).
  29. You can't mail a baby to a friend you want to share it with.
  30. Books don't need to be toilet trained.
  31. You can leave books in a box for months and they will be okay.
  32. Books smell better than babies.
  33. Books don't wear expensive covers from The Gap.
  34. Books already contain all the world's recorded knowledge -- you don't have to pay to send them to school.
  35. Books don't lose their lunch in your lap.
  36. You don't have to pay a doctor to get your new book.
  37. You can carry your book in your back pocket and it won't complain.
  38. You can sit on a book and it won't squeal.
  39. You can take a book to work and no one will complain.
  40. Books don't try to run away from you when you put them down.
  41. You can't switch from mystery babies to sci-fi babies to romance babies when you're looking for variety.
  42. If you put a bookmark in a baby's mouth it will either get spit out or chewed up.
  43. Babies don't appreciate those itty bitty book lights shined on their faces.
  44. You can't skip ahead and read the last chapter of a baby's life to get to the good parts or to see if you like how it turns out.
  45. When books have a sequel, you're happy about it.
  46. You can take a book to the dentist/doctor/optometrist, and it won't cost you anything.
  47. You can buy a book in the supermarket.
  48. Books won't wreck your computer equipment, or spill milk and cookies on the keyboard.
  49. A book always rides for free on transit, no matter how old it is.
  50. Nobody wants to censor the Internet "for the good of the books."
  51. Smokers can smoke around their books.
  52. Books never tell you at 10 p.m. that there is a bake sale tomorrow and they promised they'd bring a Black Forest cake.
  53. You never have to make a Halloween costume for your book.
  54. Families never argue about what church the book will go to.
  55. Books never outgrow their jackets.
  56. You never get a call at work saying that your book just threw up at daycare and could you please come take it home?
  57. People don't keep asking you to coo over pictures of their books.
  58. Books don't need expensive accessories.
  59. There isn't one documented case of a book throwing a screaming tantrum on the floor in the middle of an aisle in a Wal-Mart.
  60. You don't have to buy a minivan because you bought a book.
  61. People don't go into gross detail describing how they acquired a book.
  62. You don't have to breast feed a book.
  63. You can squash bugs with a book.
  64. Imagine if the government gave a $500.00 tax credit per book.
  65. When you shut up a book, it stays shut.
  66. You can't put a baby on a shelf when you're bored with it.
  67. You like to take them into the bathroom with you!
  68. When you don't want it anymore, you can give it away.
  69. There's a place where you can try different books to see which ones you like.
  70. Where's the fun in curling up with a roaring fire, a glass of wine (or a plate of chocolate) and a baby?
  71. Books don't join Little League, Girl Scouts, or other parents'-time-consuming activities.
  72. Books don't burst in on you when you are intimately engaged.
  73. If the book doesn't turn out how you like, you can always get rid of it and not be arrested.
  74. A book doesn't need another book to play with.
  75. A book can sit alone and be quiet.
  76. A book is better to take a bath with.
  77. A book can be in the bathroom with you and not invade your privacy.
  78. Books are more interesting topics of conversation than pablum, prams and poo-poo.
  79. A book can be left in the car on a hot summer's day with the windows rolled up.
  80. You can never have too many books.
I was emailed the above as a link from the original at: AccountingNet